Intense

16.03.2016

Intense:  a relative term that I have grown quite fond of. It captures a lot about me and how I see, feel, hear, and understand the Universe.

 

"Too Intense" is thrown around from time to time...and I used to tell new friends or romantic relationships that people see me as too intense as a fair warning for what I can offer to a relationship. I carried a perception of myself based on other peoples reactions of me, that I needed to "hold back" because I would show

 

too much interest too quickly in friendships and romantic interests! This was, and IS not a fun feeling. It's like I am telling myself what I give is not good enough to keep people in my life. And in turn, in the relationships where I did and do hold back... I ended up the least happy because I felt I couldn't express myself authentically without experiencing some form of judgement or criticism.

 

The moment I might want to express my sincere appreciation and adoration towards someone...which was a feeling stemming from my heart chakra...I  energetically pushed it down out of fear of scaring them away, creating tension my my throat and heart chakras. I couldn't help but ask myself... was it worth it ? Was it worth holding back my emotional expression in order to "keep"someone in my life ? And the answer I received was a soft and firm, yes... and no. :) I know...not the funnest answer! So let me try to explain briefly. And if you want a more elaborated explanation send me a message.

 

YES: because for me...having that person in my life might be absolutely worth it. And it could be viewed from the perspective where that person is showing me the VALUE of "giving" my adoration and appreciation in an intentional, moderated and more balanced fashion rather than an explosion of feelings that can cause an imbalance in the dynamic. 

 

NO because it can be viewed from the perspective that keeping aspects of my present self blocked is damaging. If I hold any aspect of myself back, including adoration and appreciation for another person, just because I like them and want to share aspects of my life with them...I might be building a connection off of holding back and suppression. And suppression of emotions and feelings can actually be stored, and manifest in our physical body and that's how diseases and sicknesses start to pop up.

 

So where's the real answer ? Personally I've explored this situation and relationship. I know that in my subconscious, I fear being unloved and unsafe. So on a conscious level I connected my immediate desire to adorn others with appreciation, stemmed from my own desire to have someone tell me those same things. The intense appreciation I was giving others was subconsciously what I wanted for myself. 

 

DO I still love appreciation, and give it to others ? YES! I love feeling appreciated for what I give and do for others. And I love letting the people I love KNOW I love and appreciate them. I am lucky enough to have soul friends who understand that my appreciation comes from a sincere place. If I am feeling a little intense that day...they don't mind :)  

 

 

 

 

 

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Cassidy R. Richison  2020, All rights reserved